


In the shadow of your heart

by Darlingheart



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, season 6 spec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-27 01:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darlingheart/pseuds/Darlingheart
Summary: My version of what happened after 5x13 ended (so spoilers for s5).Mostly Bellamy and Clarke softly talking about feelings





	In the shadow of your heart

**Author's Note:**

> So, like a lot of fans I was salty about the s5 finale (and much of s5 Bellarke) but then I decided if you can't beat them, join them... and by that I mean write the soft Bellarke chat that I was so desperately craving.
> 
> As this is canon compliant that means Echo exists as Bellamy's girlfriend. This is your warning.

They stand staring at the new planet below them, the two suns glinting on the window. It’s almost too bright but neither of them can turn away. Clarke knows she is still crying, can feel the heavy inhales of Bellamy next to her which makes her sure he is too. She’s not sure how long they stand there watching the new world before she hears a cough behind them.

“Uh, sorry. But what do you want to do now.” Jordan asks from behind them. 

Clarke hadn’t forgotten him, how could she. It’s Monty and Harper’s _son_ but he’d faded slightly as she’d stood there with Bellamy.

They both turn, slowing dropping their arms from where they were still anchored around one another.

“Uhh,” Clarke starts wiping her face.

“What do Monty’s instructions say?” Bellamy asks.

“They don’t. That’s where they end.” Jordan replies.

Clarke and Bellamy share a look.

“So should I wake the others?” Jordan asks excitedly. 

“No!” Bellamy and Clarke answer in union.

At Jordan’s admonished expression Clarke adds, “can you give us a minute. It’s a lot to take in.”

“Oh, yeah sure! Dad always used to say I reminded him of Jasper because I wanted to do everything right away and never really thought about...” Jordan starts rambling.

“Jordan,” Bellamy interrupts softly, “we’re just going to take a minute ok?”

“Yeah, sorry.” He smiles sheepishly, “follow me.”

He leads them down corridors to a room that looks like the living area they had on the ark. Clarke notices plant pots, now empty, cushions on the couch and artworks on the walls.

“I’ll be on the bridge,” Jordan says shutting the door behind him.

“Monty and Harper had a kid.” Clarke sighs flopping down on the couch, “they lived a whole life. This was their home.”

“One hundred and twenty-five years.” Bellamy sighs rubbing his hand over his face.

“But it feels like yesterday,” Clarke adds.

“It’s so strange.” Bellamy agrees. “What do we do now?” He asks sitting down next to her.

“We wake everyone up I guess.” Clarke shrugs.

“How do we even explain this. I don’t even understand half of it.” Bellamy huffs, “why did they wake us.”

“You make sense. You were family to him, but me...” Clarke trails off.

“You’re family too,” Bellamy says fiercely.

“I guess they had enough time to forgive me.”

Bellamy looks at her softly, like he wants to say something but Clarke doesn’t want to hear it so she barrels on.

“I don’t think we should wake everyone at once. We should do it in groups.”

“Why?”

“It’s a lot to take in. We’ve been asleep for one-hundred and fifteen years longer than planned. That’s a lot to take in. I’m struggling with it and I have a vague understanding of the technology. Think how Wonkru will feel.” Clarke grimaces at the word Wonkru and hides her smile when Bellamy does the same.

“Ok, so we wake Raven, Shaw, Emori, Murphy, Echo.” Bellamy says. “Madi? Kane? Your mum?”

Clarke shakes her head.

“As much as I would like some people who are mine, I don’t think so. Not yet. We still don’t know what state Kane will be in and Madi is still twelve.” Clarke says before adding bitterly, “Even if she is the Commander.”

“It was the right play Clarke.”

“I know.”

“You don’t sound like it.”

Clarke shrugs.

“A shrug, really? You left me to die and I got over it, but you’re still pissed at me about the damn flame.” Bellamy spits.

“It doesn’t sound like you’re over it.” She fires back.

“I’m trying but it was only a week ago!”

They’re both glaring at each other but Clarke looks away first. She takes a deep steadying breath.

“We can talk about this later. We need to focus what to do next.” She says evenly.

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said no.” Bellamy replies firmly, “we’re talking about this now.”

“We don’t have time.”

“Why not? Everyone has been asleep for over a hundred years, what’s one more day?”

“But...”

“No Clarke, we’re doing this now. Because Madi, Polis, the massacre my sister led us into could all have been avoided if you and I were just on the same page.”

“There wasn’t time.”

“We always say that but now there is. So talk.” Bellamy leans back, folding his arms and fixing her with a look.

“Why should I talk first?” Clarke pouts staring straight back at him.

“Fine.” He huffs eventually, “you want to know why I was trying so hard to forgive you for Polis.”

Clarke nods as he continues.

“Madi told me you radioed me every day when we were on the ring. She said you cared.”

Clarke can feel the blush warming her cheeks but with just her and Bellamy in the room, there’s nowhere to hide, nothing to switch the attention to.

“Oh.” Is what Clarke eventually settles on.

A ghost of a smirk plays around Bellamy’s lips.

“Oh? That’s all.”

“What else is there to say. Madi told you I radioed you, it’s true.” Clarke replies faux casually.

“What did you say?” Bellamy asks.

“It was six years ago. Does it matter.” She shrugs.

“It was one hundred and thirty-one years ago,” Clarke rolls her eyes, as Bellamy continues, “and yeah it does.” He smiles sadly.

“Why?” Clarke asks softly.

“Because I spent six years thinking you were dead and when we got back to earth and found out you were alive it was like...” he trails off and shakes his head before continuing, “I spent so long missing you and mourning you but when we were back it seemed like you hadn’t missed me at all.”

Clarke looks up sharply at Bellamy who is looking at painting on the wall instead of her.

“That’s not true.” Clarke says firmly, “Bellamy, look at me. That is the furthest thing from the truth.”

He does look at her but Clarke can see that he doesn’t quite believe her. She can see the ghost of the boy she once knew underneath the man he is now.

She takes a deep breath and looks away from him, then starts speaking, “I told you everything. I told you about the darkest days when I thought I wouldn’t make it. I told you when I found Madi. I told you when I found the Valley and about the homes I was building for when you guys came back. I told you the big things, the small things and everything in between. You kept me going, Bellamy. I missed you. I missed all of you. But I missed you so much.”

Clarke can feel the tears in her eyes and bites her lip to stop them from falling. She back at him and sees his eyes are glassy too.

The silence stretches as they both look at one another. Clarke can feel the weight of her words in the room and wonders if she said too much, went too far.

Bellamy is the first to speak.

“But when we came back it was like we were strangers.”

“You had the others. You didn’t need me.” Clarke shrugs.

Bellamy goes to speak but Clarke carries on.

“I had Madi and she was my whole world but I had missed you guys so so much. I stupidly thought we’d slot back into how things were when you got back but then I saw you had Monty and Harper. Emori. Murphy and Raven.” There’s a beat then Clarke adds, “and Echo. There was no space for me.”

“There was. There’s always space for you.”

“It didn’t feel like it. It felt like I was always a beat behind every decision.”

“It felt like that to me too.” Bellamy admits, “every time something happened, my sister usually, I’d try to tell you but there was always something else happening with you.”

“Your sister, usually.” Clarke deadpans.

Bellamy smiles.

“Yeah, that was a fucking mess.”

“Did she tell you about what happened down there?”

“The fighting pits? I’m pretty familiar with those.”

“No, not that.” Clarke starts, before pausing. “You know I’m sorry about that right?”

“The pits?” He asks.

“Leaving you behind to go into the pits.”

“I guessed, but you never actually said.”

“Well, I am. I was. At the time I thought it was the only choice but I was kidding myself. We weren’t even back in the valley before I regretted what I’d done. But by the time we’d made it back, I figured it was too late. I was too late. I just had to live with it and so, that meant focusing everything on keeping Madi safe. I couldn’t lose both of you.” Clarke tells him sincerely. “Even though I nearly did.”

“You were focussed on one person above anything, it makes you blind to everything else. I know a thing or two about that.”

“It doesn’t make it right though, what I did.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Bellamy agrees, “but even though it feels like last week it was actually more than a century ago. I think I can get over it.”

He smiles at her but Clarke can’t return it.

“How?” She asks softly, “you almost died and it was my fault.”

He pauses for so long that Clarke thinks he won’t answer, but when he does he simply shrugs and says, “I want to break the cycle.”

Clarke understands a shut down when she hears one. So instead of all the things, she wants to say she focuses on the task at hand. “Right, which is why we tell people in groups, it’s a lot to take in at once and people will be anxious.”

Bellamy leans over and takes Clarke’s hand softly, giving her time to pull it back if she wants to, she doesn’t.

“I didn’t mean the cycle Monty was talking about, I meant the cycle between you and me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I spent so long in space being angry at you for not being back in time, angry at myself for leaving you. For letting you go alone—”

“You didn’t,” Clarke interrupts but Bellamy doesn’t let her finish.

“And before that, it felt like we were always seeking forgiveness from each other. Always hurt or angry and I promised myself over those years in space that if Raven ever invented a time machine and I got to see you again I wouldn’t act the same. But I did.”

“I did leave you to die.” Clarke allows.

“After I did the one thing you asked me not to do, after I put Madi in danger.”

“She has a knack for putting herself in danger,” Clarke grumbles.

“I wonder where she gets that from.” Bellamy grins, knocking her knee with his.

“I am sorry.”

“I know.”

“Although in fairness, I didn’t really think Octavia would go through with it.”

“Oh, she would have. But it wasn’t O, not really, it was Blodreina,” Bellamy frowns, “it’s hard to explain.”

“I don’t even know how you survived,” Clarke tells him.

“It was Monty.” Bellamy smiles sadly, “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

Bellamy tells her the story of Monty trying to save them with the ghost apple, he tells her about Octavia burning down the hydrofarm and that in the gorge he told her he wished she died. And for that moment he meant it, still thinks he means it even though the thought of a world without his sister makes him feel like he can’t breathe.

Clarke tells him about her mother, about the dark year. She leaves out the part about Octavia – that’s not her story to tell – but Bellamy is smart enough to read between the lines, to know it’s darker than he wants to imagine.

She tells him the stories that she used to tell Madi about them all. How Raven saved them all too many times to count. How Octavia was Madi’s favourite. How she didn’t know much about Echo but told Madi about a brave and true spy who would do anything for her people.

They’re sitting side by side on the couch, hands linked between them. When he tells her about Monty’s second attempt at algae and the smell of sulphur that lingered on the ring for weeks she laughs so hard she cries.

“I can’t believe we never got to say goodbye. I don’t even remember the last thing I said to Harper or Monty.” Clarke whispers, her tears of joy turning into streams of grief flowing down her face.

“We’re the only ones left. You, me, Miller, Murphy, Octavia and Raven. Of one hundred and two, there’s only six of us left.” Clarke says between tears. “And we’re all so fractured.”

It’s this stark truth that breaks Bellamy who until this point had been holding it together. They both cry, clinging to each other. Crying for a world that doesn’t exist any more for the bond that has been broken, for the friends that they will never see again. 

They sit like that, next to each other arms entwined until they’ve both stopped crying. Clarke isn’t sure how long it's been, time seems to move differently and the room they’re in has no windows so she can’t even see if the sun has set on the planet below them. Doesn’t know if it ever does on a planet with two suns.

“I always thought it would be you and Raven,” Clarke says eventually. She feels him stiffen, just briefly, next to her but she doesn’t regret saying it. If this is the time they’re really talking she wants to talk, even if it hurts.

“It was me and no one for a long time. But Echo was always there, in a different way than Raven. We just...”

“You don’t have to tell me, I’m just saying that if I’d have thought about it that’s what I would have thought.”

“At first it was just about surviving. Getting the food and water sorted. And then it was about getting through each day. The first year was rough for all of us in so many different ways. Raven wouldn’t talk about you, blamed herself. Said that if we hadn’t come to get her we’d all have been safe in the bunker.”

“In hindsight that wouldn’t have been ideal.” Clarke interrupts with a wry smile.

Bellamy smiles back at her before continuing.

“All I wanted to do was get through the five years and get back to my sister. I couldn’t think about you because if I did it would make it real. It was Echo that made me deal with it.”

“How?” Clarke asks genuinely curious.

“She wanted to know about our lives. All of us. She’d ask all the questions about the Ark and how we came to the ground. One night she asked about you. The girl behind Wanheda. And, uh,” Bellamy shifts slightly, “I lost it. Told her she had no right to talk about you, to call you that.”

Bellamy plays with a loose snag on his trousers as he continues.

“She apologised, told me that she hadn’t meant to upset me but wanted to know about the girl we all cared for so much.”

“That makes sense. I didn’t, I don’t, know Echo. She knew me through stories, through Roan. And through you I guess.”

“Yeah, I know, but I couldn’t hear it at the time. Nothing changed overnight but we all started to talk about you more, talk about everyone we’d lost. We didn’t talk about how long we’d been in space or getting back to the ground but it felt safe to talk about the time before, even when it was painful.”

“All I did was talk about you guys, I wanted Madi to know you when you came back,” Clarke admits.

“You really believed we would?” He asks, turning to look at her softly.

“I had to. I couldn’t get to the bunker so I had to believe you guys were alive in space working on a way home. It kept me going and I needed to keep going for Madi.”

“Clarke, if we’d known…” He trails off but she understands, they would’ve found a way to get to her, to speak to her if they could.

“I know. It’s ok.” She smiles, nudging his shoulder softly, “tell me more about you and Echo.”

“Really?” He asks after a silence that stretches between them.

“Yeah, really. She’s been good for you, I can see that. And she matters to you, so now, she matters to me too.”

He nods, in part, it’s acknowledgement of what she’s just said and in part, he seems to be making a decision.

“It was slow. We started to become friends, work on forgiveness. I still didn’t trust her the way that I trusted the others but she understood. With only seven of us, we learnt to rely on each other.”

“It shows. You guys are more of a unit than the hundred ever were.”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself, six is easier to manage than one hundred. Trust me.” He smiles.

“I guess.” Clarke shrugs, she shifts slightly before asking, “does she make you happy?”

“Yes.” He answers instantly, “well she did. In space. We haven’t really had time back on earth.”

“You will. I mean not on earth but on whatever Monty found.”

“Maybe.” He grants, not really meeting Clarke’s gaze.

She shifts away from him, untangling their arms and stands stretching slowly raising her arms before turning back to him. He’s watching her with a look she can’t quite place but smiles when she looks at him.

“We should probably go and find Jordan. Poor kid, he finally has company and we abandon him almost instantly.” Bellamy grins at her.

“Ha, you can tell he’s Monty and Harper’s kid. Mine would have barged in already and demanded attention.” Clarke grins back.

“Come on, get up.” She says, offering her hand to him. He takes it and stands up with her.

Before she has a chance to drop his hand he’s grabbed her in a hug, his arms winding around her tightly. It takes her by surprise but she leans into it, threading her arms around him.

“I missed you. I’m glad we had time to talk.” He sighs softly.

“Me too,” Clarke answers, and then while her head is buried on his chest and she feels safe she allows herself to say the one thing she always wanted to but promised she never would when she saw him with Echo.

“I love you, Bellamy.” She feels him stiffen but his arms don’t drop, “I always promised myself that when you all came back I’d make sure you knew how much I cared. I didn’t show it, I know, but I will now. I love you and it doesn’t have to change anything but... you matter to me.”

He’s quiet but Clarke wasn’t expecting a response, not really. She just wanted to tell him, wanted to make sure that whatever happens next he knows how she feels. She starts to pull back but his arms tighten, anchoring her close to him.

“I uh…” he starts, “you matter to me too. So much. I just…”

“I know Bellamy, it’s ok,” Clarke says softly, pulling back to look up at him. Because she does know. Somehow she has always known. It’s why she was able to trust him with Madi, why she was so angry when she felt betrayed. It might not be the same way she feels it, but she knows he feels something.

His eyes hold onto her gaze, brown meeting blue and for a moment Clarke feels the air crackle, feels like there’s more than their words, but then he clears he throat. She drops her arms and they both step back from each other.

The moment is gone but she can’t bring herself to be upset, a week (and one hundred and twenty-five years ago) she thought she’d sentenced him to death and that he’d die thinking she didn’t care. Now he knows she does.

“We should find Jordan.” He says.

“And wake the others, yeah.” Clarke agrees.

Whatever else comes next they can handle it like they always have. As a team. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was a drabble, but then it got longer and now I'm thinking there could be more... Everyone waking up, Bellamy's feelings etc. let me know what you think.


End file.
